WARNING: DO NOT READ THIS BLOG POST IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE DEMOTIVATED. I'VE WARNED YOU.
This isnt the feeling that the world is falling apart, its the feeling of sudden sadness and depression. After long hours of practice this week, I still cant do it, no improvement at all. Why? I crave for talents that people have, I feel so weak. I remember back when MOD officers asked me that question " What is your strength and weakness?"
I've thought long about that, I dont have any strengths but a hell lot of weaknesses. Why? What is my talents? I realised I dont have any. Yes, I can play the piano, but for almost 6 months, yet I suck at my current pieces. When Ryo played that time, he learns the piano by himself, yet he played it so wonderful. I've friends who are gifted with these musical abilities, to be able to sing, play musical instruments with great ability. I envy these people, who are just gifted with extraodinary talent, to be able to dance different styles, to be able to do things which I cant do. I learn them but yet, I'm not good at them, I want to have something to be good in, but i dont. I'm not borned with the brains and the good looks, I'm normal in that aspects. Hearing Vanessa Mae play the violin, Maxim on the piano, singers singing high notes, dancers dancing to the beat, actors acting a role, sports players earning titles, these people are so talented. And whoever is reading this blog, I know you must have a talent in something, maybe in terms of computer, drawing, composing? But yeah, what am i good in?
I suddenly feel like just giving up.. Giving up in my piano, I've lost all the inspiration to play, lost all my confidence and motivation, making myself feel like a weakling. I try to watch Mulan again, as she is my motivated disney character, an idol I would say. But this time, it didnt work, only her song reflection made me feel 'yes, i understand'. The song "I'll make a man out of you" used to make me feel I could do it as long as I'm determined and strong, but now, everything is lost. I wished I could go back to Mt Killimanjaro, that was the time when I had the greatest determination, my goal: to reach the peak and I did. Where has all that determination gone to? Can I be someone talented? Do I actually have any natural skills in me?
I wish I do.. I want to be good in something, but currently I dont have anything.. Nothing at all..
. I'm sorry for treating you that way, I know how you feel, but when you said that last sentence, it really broke me, It made me feel so alone. I know I got friends to talk to, but still, I prefer not to.. This loneliness is eating me alive, and I let it.. Just let it be.. It may be temporary or permanent I dont know. I dont care. Just let it be...
13 comments:
Oh my.. That's one bad depression there..=S
Well, I know a friend who's actually "like" you. She's in E&E Engineering, and thinks she's dumb.. She can play the guitar, but she doesn't say she's good. I think she is!
Why she feels discouraged most of the time is because her classmates, as far as I know, are not treating her so well. Looking down on her because she lacks the knowledge and understanding. But this doesn't apply to Hackster because he treats everyone the same, which is good! =)
So, the solution? She believes in God and so far things have worked out. When she's having classes, she's a bit down, but outside when she gets the chance to meet up with the rest of the other Engineering friends, she feels a lot better. :) Kinda weird of me to use "God" here, but it does work. :) Give it a try. ;)
If you still feel discouraged, I don't mind introducing her to you. Although it would be like a "stranger to stranger on the internet" kind of interaction.. But it helps. She's found ways to overcome this depression, and I believe she'll be glad to help. ;)
Till then, try to cheer up and appreciate what many great times and good things you still have and had. :)
Since you are down, i'll be hard and short.
1) Ask yourself, do you started playing piano because YOU HAVE TALENT or YOU WANT TO?
2) Do you enjoy playing piano up till now? (Skip aside all those details bout you not being good)
3) What happen to people who are not gifted with extraordinary talent? If they think like you too, how many people made it to the success list?
4) I have talent in maths, you may think. Name me something else i am talented in that can actually made me useful in the future. I am WORKING HARD now to get first class. What am i if i dont work hard?
I know my words are hard, i'm sorry, but that's the real world.
Talented people are successful people. We can be successful too, can't we? We are same =) RAWR!!
Its not about why, its about how. Think more...optimistically.
Off to start on my lab report to be handed in tmrw...
@Clarence: thanks man, for trying to intro someone to me, but no worries man~ Im ok.. Haha.. Watching lots of disney movies made me alryte.. Hahaha.. I need god but I NEED DISNEY!!! =D
@Hackster:
1) We start learning because we want to but then after yrs of learning, we should have the talent by then.. Especially when there is a grade 7 certificate involve, at tht grade, if din play like "almost profession", tht grade 7 cert is sort of useless, aint it?
2)If you ask most of the pianist, most of us would say we play piano for fun and relax, at times, malas to practice. I liked the piano, until now, i'm on the verge of giving up, but with the thought of jz wanting to finish off grade 8, im bearing it..
3)Did i say I'm in the success list? People all over the world think differently. Some people would succeed, but some wont. I've never asked someone to think like me, its my own mind and feelings.
4)You're talented in computers as well my dear fren, tht would help u a lot in future.. I work hard as well to earn a first class degree. This has nothing to do with studies, because I kno I'm always a B grade in terms of studies, but im a grade 7 holder of a piano cert and yet i play like a beginner, I practice so hard for the past wks but yet, i played so horrible.. Try practicing something for almost 6 mths, but yet cant get it at all, how would u feel?
Did i just prove that boys can never win against girls? >.<"
@Hackster: AWWWWWW....
@hackster
Haiz, bah we jump together. You Jump I Jump. LOL
PS: On the brighter side, we think you are cute on the latest comment in this post. LOL
Talented people are successful? Why i'm not successful oh? I have talent in SLACKING ler!!!!!!! WHY??? HAHAHA jk... Just being lame here. LOL
@May
Nothing much you can do about it. Just keep on practice then. :) Good luck with it!!!
@Thomas:Bro, u so ke ai la, how come u jump with lian hing de?? How is jumping involved in this convo o? You talented in slacking? I thought u very successful in tht aspect then? haha.. Thanks for the encouragement, wat to do? can onli practice, practice, practice..
@May
Haiya sis. I think he actually want to prove boys = girls mah, sekali who know? when you proving it, then become boys < girls lo. (siapa tahu your maths also very li hai) HAHAHAHAHA
And why he jump i jump? Cause i think i will end up like him as well if i comment short and hard as well. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
平 凡 就 是 幸 福 。。。
Haha. Well, I have to say I haven't been working hard.. but now I am starting too. Darn slacking habit of mine >_<
What Hackster says is true. The real world doesn't go well all the time, and we have to find the strength in us to overcome that problem. I'm sure we all are trying to work on that, and perhaps you are doing your best too. But don't give up! :D
See you around, and glad you're cheered up :)
Thomas, you jump i dont jump. I dont mind being weaker than girls, i wanna enjoy life =)
I definitely will. Jump only right? Nothing wrong with it. LOL AWHHHH Don't worry. ME TOO!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Post a Comment