Its almost time to go home.. Soon, I'll be stepping onto the Brunei airport, and then carrying my carpisa luggage, walked out to the arrival hall and see my parents.. Thats the vision I have in my mind.. I've even decided what clothes I'm gonna wear when i go bak! hehehe..
Actually, Im writing this post, coz all the sudden, i felt like frenz and family.. are so precious and important in my life.. In another one more day, the battle officially begins.. I start the battle with CRE.. This time, i dont know why, i dun feel like studying.. somehow i'm so relax, as in i feel its not exam yet.. I feel its still the normal schooling days.. How comE? Why am i feeling such emotions? I should be working hard now, instead of blogging, doing as much past yr pprs as i can.. But i dun know. I cant feel it..
I feel like I've let my parents down.. Although I barely made it to a first class, but this time, can i still maintain that first? With such "effort", i dont think i can make it.. Hopefully i can make it to 2:1, even better if a first came out.. Daddy says "May.. I kno you're a 2:1 student, from your A levels grades, I know thts your potential and standard".. U all may think "wahh, where got father say such thing de o?" Well, I feel that he's right.. Dad has been right for a lot of things, just that i was sooo stubborn to even listen..
I think i myself know my own potential, just that I set a high standard for myself, the problem is, i dont work hard to get that high standard i put on myself.. I think all the while, I was just lucky.. To be able to make it through all these academic challenges, from PCE to PMB to O levels and then A levels.. I thank god as well, as i believe he listens to my prayers and guides me through these times as well..
Right now, I just wanna get through this, if only the scholarship criteria isnt there to make me frustrated.. I need at least a 2:1 to maintain my scholarship, somehow i feel its a 50:50 chance for me to get it.. I think I can get a 2:2 easily but a 2:1, its still a obstacle for me to go through. But why? Why do i not feel the stress and panic which would make me drive to study... Why do i not feel the motivation to achieve these excellence?
Is it coz its almost time to go home? Is it coz I dont care abt this course anymore? Why..?? I myself dont know and dont understand.. Suddenly I feel i've let them down, the 2 people who I'm suppose to make them proud, make them feel i'm someone worth looking after...
I dont know.. I feel lost.. What is this feeling? What is this emotion?
-Lost in life-
1 comment:
Nice time at which you have just posted your blog =) Very coincident indeed :P
I won't be able to help you much, other than to tell you to work hard =) Mood? Well yeah, we need mood. But last minute mood always do the job for my case. Results isn't as i expected, but what i can i expect from myself when i'm lazy?
Its not wrong to set a high standard, but expecting yourself to be able to achieve that standard while slacking around is the problem.
Work hard may =) Cheers~
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