You know when you get that feeling of sudden anger and then you regret it later on when you did something stupid... ya, im feeling that now... These tears just keeps running down drop by drop just because i dont know how to fix this...
Life is getting tiring for me, with so much goals and things to do... Exams coming up soon, and im no where near tht point, projects and labs, the work load, its alot but im still slacking, everytime when i wana do something, i lose tht motivation.... Piano exam is in March/April and Im due to register inJan but what is my progress now? Did i improve or isit still the same? I feel like such a failure but i feel so tired... I want to stand up but im giving myself excuses to fall down... Its like i dont want to stand up... Temper is getting worse and worse, i cant smile as i used to, those happy and genuine smiles, its almost over, its almost gone...
Back then, the happy and patient me, could go around being naive and gullible, enjoying life when i can and suffer at those correct points of time.... I could laugh at small matters, put it behind me and then move on... but now, i see myself as this gloomy emo person, everytime i watch an anime, i feel its such a cool characteristic, but its not me... What i feel now is not tht cool-nesss, i feel lonely... i feel alone in this world... ya, i used to talk about friends and family around me but do i really have those people in my life? would they come to my bedside if i died? yeah, mom and dad would but friends, do i really have those ppl in my life? A lover....Do i really have someone who loves me for who i m? Can they accept this me in their life? These sadness and negativity flowing from this body of mine?
Im crying again now.. but i dont know what to do.... Why did i blew up, why did i get so angry? It was a small matter, and i blame it on my limits, my patience limits but honestly i dont know why... Why did i get angry, why did i get so emotional, its not PMS, if i had PMS, it would totally explain it. but do you know why? Can you give me a reason and explaination? This heart of mine has turned darker and darker... Can i just stab this heart of mine and let the black blood flow out?
*I wrote this as an open diary, if you have any stupid comments, dont bother to write it and keep it in your head/heart, i dont need anything else to make me feel worse, thank u*
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Friday, 19 February 2010
Happy Chinese New Year!! Gong Xi Fatt Chai!!
RAWRRR!!! Its the Year of the Tiger!!! =D
Wishing everyone a Happy Chinese New Year and Gong xi Fatt chai! Hope you all will always fa fa chai xD hehehe...
On CNY that day (14/2/2010), it was the same day as valentines day but apparently, none of us have a couple except for WaiLum and Eelin, we basically focus on the greatest day of the year, CNY!! hehhee... Long story short, we had a "fun" evening especially with the funniest yet scariest scenes by Hanley and Hong Men and yes Hong Men "WO JUI SHI ANNIE MAY!!" hoho! xD The nxt day, we went to see fireworks in Chinatown and man was it good, for Manchester, it is quite good... And then ah, in the streets, there's more angmo than chinese, shi bai alr la us~ HAHAHA But its alright, the atmosphere was nice and we get to see Lion dance, It was alright, not too bad but I've already missed Ivan's performance for 4 years already... By the time i go back, im sure he has retired and decided to stop playing... Haha...
Me and a part of the group during CNY... We split into 2 tables so this is the pic taken with the people in my table where we yam sie i think abt 3-4 times and got scolded by the restaurant people. OPPS! haha... And we OWN the whole STREET!! WooHoo!!
Wishing everyone a Happy Chinese New Year and Gong xi Fatt chai! Hope you all will always fa fa chai xD hehehe...
On CNY that day (14/2/2010), it was the same day as valentines day but apparently, none of us have a couple except for WaiLum and Eelin, we basically focus on the greatest day of the year, CNY!! hehhee... Long story short, we had a "fun" evening especially with the funniest yet scariest scenes by Hanley and Hong Men and yes Hong Men "WO JUI SHI ANNIE MAY!!" hoho! xD The nxt day, we went to see fireworks in Chinatown and man was it good, for Manchester, it is quite good... And then ah, in the streets, there's more angmo than chinese, shi bai alr la us~ HAHAHA But its alright, the atmosphere was nice and we get to see Lion dance, It was alright, not too bad but I've already missed Ivan's performance for 4 years already... By the time i go back, im sure he has retired and decided to stop playing... Haha...
Me and a part of the group during CNY... We split into 2 tables so this is the pic taken with the people in my table where we yam sie i think abt 3-4 times and got scolded by the restaurant people. OPPS! haha... And we OWN the whole STREET!! WooHoo!!
BruManch Talentime Trailer is finally out, well out few days ago already la, and if you've never seen me emo, i think i look quite emo here.. Haha.. AWESOME xD http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=518011603#!/video/video.php?v=318061057732&subj=815915532&oid=200968439826
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Anyways, its time for me to talk what I've been thinking today... Its the new year and I want to change myself as in dunt say say only but really do do... Today, i went for piano class and I really felt If only I've met this teacher last year instead of the previous one, I think the previous one was just focusing on getting money and not helping me properly, this one taught me techniques to improve myself and actually make me feel there might be hope for me... Time is ticking really fast before the exam comes in September and hopefully I'll be prepared and is able to get through the final stage, Grade 8. Ive been working on this for 1 yr++ now, and i hope It will run smoothly as time pass by.
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My goals for this new year 2010:
1) To get a 1st/ 2:1 for 2nd Yr chemical Engineering
2) To be able to pass my piano grade 8 exam and officially finish the piano grades
3) Lose 8kg to go back to my original weight (before I came to the UK for the 1st time)
4) To understand the meaning of life and to live life with no regrets
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Hahaha~ Easy goals eh? NOT! I'll work hard for those, I'm a living proof that dreams and miracles can come true, and I'll make this happen again... With hard work, determination and great motivation, I'm sure I can encounter whatever obstacles thats blocking my way, push them aside and achieve the goals i desired. I'm here for a reason, and to make my parents proud, I'll do my best...
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My purpose in UK is to study and also to have a different life experience.. yes, Im having a different life experience right now, but if i were to give advise to people, if you're thinking of going to either Aus or UK, I would suggest Aus if you want to enjoy a better life, just because of the UK weather, due to global "COOLING", the weather has been really messed up, the sun could be shining brightly but the air is DAMN COLD, and u'll hate walking around outside, IMAGINE WINTER! And Snow, people, Snow in TV where people seem to enjoy it and playing happily outside, its all A LIE! Yes, you'll feel excited for the 1st time and after tht experience, you'll HATE IT! I swear people did die from the snow, im serious!!! Its because its so slippery, you'll fall and it so hard to walk around, it cause disruptions to your daily life, well, in UK it does whereas in Canada, it snows all the time there, and so they know what to do... Australia is a better weather for us Asians, its easier to adapt there and the holidays in Australia is better, you get to go home for Christmas and New year and CNY!! Whereas us in the UK, yeah, we go back from June- September, but whats there to celebrate? Well, yeah, if you go back to the UK late, we can celebrate Hari Raya but thats not the point.. HAHA!
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I can say at times I do regret coming to the UK, but this is what I wanted initially, I worked hard for it and went through sufferings for it, I've made it here and so I should not regret but work harder and achieve my true goal, a M.Eng Honours Degree in Chemical Engineering and Aim for a good position in one of the ministries of Brunei... I know this might never happen, but i dream to become one of a minister in Brunei, the first Female, Chinese Minister of Brunei... Such ambition.. Hahaha..
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A dream is a dream, and it is the starting point of a goal... My blog is not dead now since I've blogged and so thats all folks! Have a good new year and wishing everyone good health and wealth!
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Xin Nian Kuai Le!
-Annie May-
Monday, 14 December 2009
Joe Mcelderry... a true inspiration...
A true inspiration...
Joe McElderry
Dreams do come true... and it all comes from effort, passion and a little bit of luck.. Joe, you inspired me to the max, you make me believe in miracles, and I will work hard to achieve the future dream I have...
Keep dreaming and never give up...
A true dreamer and achiever...
Joe McElderry
Live the dream
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
Back in the days... Walking dwn memory lane...
Hey guys...
Have you ever just have a flashback and think back of your old school with your friends and everyone... I came back from International 16 meeting, and then I miss home again, as usual... Apparently, instead of searching of Brunei again, what i did.. I was searching through my old schools...
1) Chung Hua Middle School, KB (1994-2004)
I spent literally most of my school years in CHMS, KB where i met a lot of my closest friends right now... Guys, did u check the website? I was looking through it, and wow, less than half of the teachers are teachers who taught us... Currently, they still have Teacher Joan, Lee Siew Sung, Teacher Sherelin, Mr Chandron, Hong qi lao shi, and somemore.. but u get what i mean right??? There's no Cikgu Gan, Miss Chua, Mr Jerome, Teacher Shoba, etc in CHMS... I mean like, if i were to walk down the halls of CHMS again, I believe I would see new faces everywhere.. I really miss the school though, back then, we didnt have all those technology like projectors.. We had to live with the fan when we were primary kids, our tables and chairs were wooden and we had the covered drawer! I remember when we were young, it was still chalkboard... Man, i wish i had taken pictures of those times... I would laugh like crazy just looking at it i guess? I remember funny and crazy moments back in school... It was really the good old times... Bros and sistasss, you guys know who u r... I <3 u all...
2) SMPJNPHAB, PJN, Mumong (2005-2006)
I was looking at wikipedia when I did my memory lane with PJN... And then you know what i found? The school song!!! I remember when me and yihing was at the assembly and we heard the school song for the first time, we were dumbstruck.. because it sounded soooo nice, like a celebrity ballad... Not like CHMS "bi hai bi, ling li li" HAHAHA!! It was like "Kami berilmu, beriman and berbakti...."... I remember complaining abt the heat, because we didnt have aircons at the top floors, i remember meeting the MA4/5Sci people and we discussing abt like what questions were in the test and stuff.. Its because of PJN, i met a lot of great malay friends... Right now, I still enjoy being with them, speaking the awesome Brunei Malay with them, its because of them, I learn so much more about the malay culture, and I really love my experience there.. The teachers were terrific, and I owe it to Mrs Phang for giving me the interest in Chemistry, and Teacher Amanda aka Mrs Voon as well... PJN was the right decision for me, and I really miss those moments too... I'm grateful to have met you guys from PJN =)I <3 u all...
3) Jerudong International School, JIS, Bandar (2007-2008)
JIS was the school tht i least expect to go during my school years.. How i went to JIS, actually started as a joke with my mom... We saw the advert in Borneo Bulletin, and we were like "Lets apply for fun, get in or not, no need to care, fan zhen going to SMSA ma"... Hahaha~~ and soo... I went for the test for the Jan 07 batch... And then december came, and I received a call, "Miss Leong, you've been accepted into Jan 07 batch"... I was like "WHAT?" hahahaa... how funny was tht? And so i started JIS... It was okay during the first mth, i made new friends and all... But then It was CNY in february, where the homesick-ness came... I believe it was coz i was having so much fun with my KB friends, missing them like crazyyyy.. And i was crying everyday in JIS, ask grayson, he heard me cry.. hahaha! I decided to try SMSA but what they learnt was what i've already learnt in JIS, i didnt want to re-study everything again... And my dad wanted me to become independent, he wanted me to get away from the family so that I could live on my own, without family support... This was the right decision as right now, im in the UK, all alone and surviving with my personal decisions... JIS was an amazing experience I would say.. I met all sorts of international people, I was part of the School council but best of all, i was part of J07... I love these people... Because there was only 14 of us in the class, (Bian and Denise left in their year 12), we all grew this bond with each other, but this didnt stop us from making friends with the August batch. we made friends, and they're awesome! I thank JIS for letting me meet Dorren especially, Dorren is one of my closest friends of all times, and I share a bond with her which is indescribable.. We dont contact each other everyday kind, but she understands me and i understand her .. haha, I guess this is what you call friendship? And akmal too, working with him in Pusat Bahagia was a great experience and I remember in classes, we always bully each other with May-o-naise and Dayangku Akmalina Latifah, thts sooo fun, i think he'll agree with me... Gold award with my peeps, u guys know who you are, we conquer MT killimanjaro together, the first students from brunei to climb tht mountain .. Pancake and interesting Chemistry experiments with Mr Kruger and Hird with J07... J07, and i mean everyone, I'm grateful to god that i've known you guys, even for 1 and a half yrs of study life there... I <3 u all..
Its just a walk down memory lane for me right now... And yes, right now I'm in the Uni of Manchester, with my friends all over the world... At least I want them to know, no matter where we are, our memories in the past will be forever cherish in my heart and I love you guys to bits... I thank you for these precious memories and I wish everyone all the best =D
I love making new friends, and every new friend i make, will have a spot in my heart.. My dear friends, we were meant to meet and I hope that you wont feel that I've forgotten you, just because we are not speaking anymore... In my mind and heart, you're always my friend, and with whatever memories we have, it will forever be cherished...
-May out-
Have you ever just have a flashback and think back of your old school with your friends and everyone... I came back from International 16 meeting, and then I miss home again, as usual... Apparently, instead of searching of Brunei again, what i did.. I was searching through my old schools...
1) Chung Hua Middle School, KB (1994-2004)
I spent literally most of my school years in CHMS, KB where i met a lot of my closest friends right now... Guys, did u check the website? I was looking through it, and wow, less than half of the teachers are teachers who taught us... Currently, they still have Teacher Joan, Lee Siew Sung, Teacher Sherelin, Mr Chandron, Hong qi lao shi, and somemore.. but u get what i mean right??? There's no Cikgu Gan, Miss Chua, Mr Jerome, Teacher Shoba, etc in CHMS... I mean like, if i were to walk down the halls of CHMS again, I believe I would see new faces everywhere.. I really miss the school though, back then, we didnt have all those technology like projectors.. We had to live with the fan when we were primary kids, our tables and chairs were wooden and we had the covered drawer! I remember when we were young, it was still chalkboard... Man, i wish i had taken pictures of those times... I would laugh like crazy just looking at it i guess? I remember funny and crazy moments back in school... It was really the good old times... Bros and sistasss, you guys know who u r... I <3 u all...
2) SMPJNPHAB, PJN, Mumong (2005-2006)
I was looking at wikipedia when I did my memory lane with PJN... And then you know what i found? The school song!!! I remember when me and yihing was at the assembly and we heard the school song for the first time, we were dumbstruck.. because it sounded soooo nice, like a celebrity ballad... Not like CHMS "bi hai bi, ling li li" HAHAHA!! It was like "Kami berilmu, beriman and berbakti...."... I remember complaining abt the heat, because we didnt have aircons at the top floors, i remember meeting the MA4/5Sci people and we discussing abt like what questions were in the test and stuff.. Its because of PJN, i met a lot of great malay friends... Right now, I still enjoy being with them, speaking the awesome Brunei Malay with them, its because of them, I learn so much more about the malay culture, and I really love my experience there.. The teachers were terrific, and I owe it to Mrs Phang for giving me the interest in Chemistry, and Teacher Amanda aka Mrs Voon as well... PJN was the right decision for me, and I really miss those moments too... I'm grateful to have met you guys from PJN =)I <3 u all...
3) Jerudong International School, JIS, Bandar (2007-2008)
JIS was the school tht i least expect to go during my school years.. How i went to JIS, actually started as a joke with my mom... We saw the advert in Borneo Bulletin, and we were like "Lets apply for fun, get in or not, no need to care, fan zhen going to SMSA ma"... Hahaha~~ and soo... I went for the test for the Jan 07 batch... And then december came, and I received a call, "Miss Leong, you've been accepted into Jan 07 batch"... I was like "WHAT?" hahahaa... how funny was tht? And so i started JIS... It was okay during the first mth, i made new friends and all... But then It was CNY in february, where the homesick-ness came... I believe it was coz i was having so much fun with my KB friends, missing them like crazyyyy.. And i was crying everyday in JIS, ask grayson, he heard me cry.. hahaha! I decided to try SMSA but what they learnt was what i've already learnt in JIS, i didnt want to re-study everything again... And my dad wanted me to become independent, he wanted me to get away from the family so that I could live on my own, without family support... This was the right decision as right now, im in the UK, all alone and surviving with my personal decisions... JIS was an amazing experience I would say.. I met all sorts of international people, I was part of the School council but best of all, i was part of J07... I love these people... Because there was only 14 of us in the class, (Bian and Denise left in their year 12), we all grew this bond with each other, but this didnt stop us from making friends with the August batch. we made friends, and they're awesome! I thank JIS for letting me meet Dorren especially, Dorren is one of my closest friends of all times, and I share a bond with her which is indescribable.. We dont contact each other everyday kind, but she understands me and i understand her .. haha, I guess this is what you call friendship? And akmal too, working with him in Pusat Bahagia was a great experience and I remember in classes, we always bully each other with May-o-naise and Dayangku Akmalina Latifah, thts sooo fun, i think he'll agree with me... Gold award with my peeps, u guys know who you are, we conquer MT killimanjaro together, the first students from brunei to climb tht mountain .. Pancake and interesting Chemistry experiments with Mr Kruger and Hird with J07... J07, and i mean everyone, I'm grateful to god that i've known you guys, even for 1 and a half yrs of study life there... I <3 u all..
Its just a walk down memory lane for me right now... And yes, right now I'm in the Uni of Manchester, with my friends all over the world... At least I want them to know, no matter where we are, our memories in the past will be forever cherish in my heart and I love you guys to bits... I thank you for these precious memories and I wish everyone all the best =D
I love making new friends, and every new friend i make, will have a spot in my heart.. My dear friends, we were meant to meet and I hope that you wont feel that I've forgotten you, just because we are not speaking anymore... In my mind and heart, you're always my friend, and with whatever memories we have, it will forever be cherished...
-May out-
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
TAYLOR SWIFT!!!
Went to watch taylor swift and she was AMAZING!!! We manage to touch her!!!
AWESOME-NESS!!! =D
Sunday, 15 November 2009
Weekends outside of Manchester...
Trips I had over the weekend:
Week 1: Sheffield (Pics available in facebook)
Week 2: Leeds (Pics not available until taken from frenz in leeds)
Week 3: Stoke on Trent
We started the day with a lovely breakfast outside the sunny weather but cold wind.. haha, went to the gardens to walk around and enjoyed some relaxing time with my aunt.. More of a relaxation week doing nothing...
Week 4: Lake District
A last minute decision to go i would say... we went to ambleside and cruise around the lake, i would recommend this during the summer when its warm but the lake is lovely with the swans and ducks all over... A rainy trip with MSSM...
Week 5: Halloween in Liverpool
when a 3 people initial planning ended up with an amazing 9 people tripp.. We went around liverpool, and found out there was a ceremony on that day itself at the city hall.. We had a great time cruising at the Albert dock area and walked around the city where i met faz for a while to catch up a bit.. A nice day to travel around liverpool instead of dressing up for halloween *Well, i did it last yr so i didnt lose anything fun*
Week 6: Cardiff, Wales
When down to cardiff for reading week to catch up with faith who's a childhood friend currently studying in cardiff.. Enjoyed shopping with her where we spent like A LOT of money and we slept at the cinema.. i know "WHAT?" haha. Had 2 glass of wine and thts a day done for me.. Went to the city and cardiff bay, which we manage to find just because i sat on the merry go round! YAY! Great catching up with faith and first time to wales
Week 7: Roven and Conwy, Wales
Left on the friday evening to Landuodo where it was raining like CRAZYY.. We took a taxi to our youth hostel in Roven and apparently, the cab got stuck in the middle of the hill, so we had to walk up to our hostel in the pitch black sky and pouring rain.. Long story here which I'm just lazy to talk about but overall, an awesome trip.. Have to hand it to Alex, our Malaysian leader whom was really awesome.. We walked around Conwy, and pictures of wales will be uploaded one day... A really nice place to relax and bond with new friends... End with a meal of great fish and chips! Oh yeah! I saw the smallest house of great britain too! Its really small, im even taller than the door, well the house is taller than me by what, 1/2-1 head? HAHA. google it! or ask me for the pic..
A summary of my weekends eversince I came back to the UK.. I enjoy travelling and I've enjoyed myself in every weekend of my travels...
-May out-
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